The four-legged member of our family recently attended school for juvenile delinquent
canines. I figured that if it worked out well, I might send a couple of two-legged members
who also fail to fetch the newspaper on cold mornings.
We first suspected that our pup, Rex, needed schooling in the fine art of Listening to
the Master when we took him for a fun romp outdoors and he immediately ran off to locate
his four-legged friends. We called "Rexy, no!" and "Rexy, come!" and
even "Rexy, cease and desist this instant and return to us now or we'll feed you to
our parrot!" But our words did little more than entertain the neighbors.
It's not as if we hadn't tried to train the dog on our own. Indeed, inside the house he
had become very obedient. But a brilliant deduction on my part explained why: the box of
reward bisquits was within smelling range.
Taking a dog to obedience school is well worth the money, especially if you enjoy a
good laugh. Even if you have no dog, I suggest you borrow one or dress up your cat or
hamster in a dog disguise.
When Rex went to dog school, all the humans stood in a large circle with their pets
straining to sniff the odors that accumulated from previous classes. While the instructor
demonstrated how to make a dog sit quietly at his left ankle, Rexy bound my legs together
with his leash. I had trouble paying attention because I was too busy trying to stay
upright and at the same make it look like my dog was as obedient as the teacher's.
Rexy was thinking, Look at that mop-head pup over there. Look at that sissy
hair-do. I bet I could undo that do with one swipe of my slobbery tongue.
Then he noticed the large mongrel glaring at him with a look that meant he'd better
respect his Doberman parentage or else. Rexy analyzed the situation and decided, I can
show him who's tougher. All I need is one opportunity to bite him on the knee-cap.
"Sit, Rexy," I commanded.
And let these other dogs know I can be submissive? Hah! I mean, woof!
After 10 sessions and much wondering about the IQ level of our dog, a few lessons
finally took hold. I learned:
- My dog is no more disobedient than other people's dogs.
- My dog is no more intelligent than other people's dogs.
- "Sit" means "find a spot when you're good and ready."
- "Stay" means "crawl on your belly to sneak to where you'd rather
be."
I've given up the idea of obedience classes for our two-legged family members. I've
come to realize that we humans are no better than dogs at obeying the Master. How often do
we ignore God's commands because we're too busy sniffing out other people's problems and
differences? Or running off in our own directions? I suppose we make God wonder about our
IQ levels -- especially since His instructions are designed to make our lives better.
God does not to force us to attend obedience school. I, on the other hand, am forcing
Rexy to stay when I say "stay." And it's working. As long as we're near the dog
bisquits.
